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The O.J. Simpson "Great Vegas Robbery" is a big, hot alleged mess, isn't it?

Orenthal was held as a flight risk for a few days and then posted a $125,000 bail and flight risked back to Florida. A jailed friend of a local nightlife fixture who was in the same holding cell as Orenthal is saying that he admitted to killing his wife and gave a speech about double jeopardy. Orenthal is alleging that former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman hatched this robbery conspiracy at retribution.

Now, O.J.'s main accuser and alleged sports memorabilia dealer, Alfred Beardsley, has been outed as a convicted felon and arrested in Vegas for a parole violation.

And to think with the memorabilia, all of this is just for a few bucks and a better feedback rating on eBay.

If He Stole It
If the legal proceedings back in 1994 weren't strange enough, each day that passes in Orenthal's current legal saga gets weirder and weirder. As the facts in the case start to surface, I'm expecting Orenthal to once again be acquitted, but this time it won't be the trial of the century or even decade.

I'm also expecting 'The Onion' or some other respected publication to publish a full, word-by-word parody version of 'If I Did It: Confessions of a Killer' as 'If I Stole It: Confessions of a Sad, Sad Man.'

Conspiracy Theory
TMZ has an audio excerpt that allegedly features Orenthal allegedly going "commando" in an alleged Vegas hotel room, but it's hard for me to tell from just audio if Orenthal is wearing underwear or not. Heck, I can't even tell if the voice is actually Orenthal or someone pretending to be Orenthal. It sounds like a South Park version of Orenthal, but I'm not a forensics expert.

Vegas does have a lot of professional impersonators and honestly, with the poor recording quality and bleeping, it sounds like it could have been anybody.

If there isn't a conspiracy, why does a recording exist anyway? Vegas casinos have a lot of video surveillance, but they haven't started bugging the rooms, yet. Oh Mark Fuhrnam, is your alleged 14-year-old grudge finally being satisfied?

The Other Glove Drops
I expect to Orenthal to be acquitted, not based on the facts of the case, but since exiting football and the demise of the 'Naked Gun' movies, acquital is the only thing Orenthal has been really good at.

For these legal proceedings, Orenthal will have to make a go without the masterful defense strategy and rhymes of the late Johnnie Cochran. The only way that the part showman, part lawyer will be able to aid Orenthal is if Carlos Mencia lends the services of "The Ghost of Johnnie Cochran."

Vegas Alibi Kit
The good news for Orenthal is that the marketing wizards behind the "What Happens in Vegas" campaign developed a Vegas Alibi Kit. If you were naughty in Vegas, you can use the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0 to create a clean alibi to take home to friends, family and colleagues. There is also a photo faker tool to back up the story. Orenthal can take his Vegas mug shot to superimpose on the available photos.

It's easy, the generator asks you a series of multiple choice questions based on likes and dislikes and then spits out an alibi. One of the examples they use on the site is "I had to unbutton my pants." That is cleaned up to be a dining reference.



Inspired by 'If I did It,' I pretended to be Orenthal and answered the following questions from the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0. Some of the questions and answer choices were eerie:
1. Before heading to Vegas, I take inventory of my closet.
2. Custom-fit clubs really gets my juices flowing.
3. If given the choice, I'd watch The Home Shopping Network.
4. People tell me that I remind them of Cher.
5. Among friends, I am known for my swing.
6. Second helpings give me the goosebumps.
7. I've been saving up for something leather.
8. When I was a child, I had a tendency to swing sticks at balls.
9. I have this recurring nightmare where the bouncer won't let me in.

The alibi that the machine spat out was "All I did was shop." It doesn't say anything about five-finger discounts, but to back up the story, the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0 gives the following instruction, also eerie:

Now if anyone asks:

• What's with all these credit card charges?
• Why are you wearing new pants?
• Why are your shoulders so sore?

Your story goes like this:

After buying a few things at Grand Canal Shoppes you were so tired you stopped to eat at Garden Buffet. The next day, you hit Las Vegas Outlet Center and Dillard's and topped the day with Chidos w/ Emery, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, The Devil Wears Prada.

Remember! Keep your shopping bags, receipts, and tags 'cause nothing backs up an alibi like evidence.

Yes indeed, nothing backs up an alibi like evidence.

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